I hate your face
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
