i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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