If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
