remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
