mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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