is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
