today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
