If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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