So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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