Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The struggles of a small town man whore
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
