end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
