Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
