the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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