I must be too annoying 4 u.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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