Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
