she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
