I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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