i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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