Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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