I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize