I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
