your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
