Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I lost the right to judge tonight
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
