I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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