i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize