Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
