you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
