She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
