Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
