She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
did i walk over a car last night?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
