Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
