I cannot find my penis.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize