Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
