Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
