I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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