I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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