Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
