what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
