Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
