Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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