jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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