Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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