oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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