he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
