And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In other news, I just burned my penis
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
