Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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