Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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