just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
