Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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