1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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