That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize