If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
