put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
