Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
