I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
