So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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