I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Text me some of your sweat
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
