operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize