yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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