i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
