I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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