it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
