dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am available for nakedness
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