It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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