so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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