my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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