...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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