The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
