I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
