dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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