I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
