Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
