his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
