508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This is my gift to your gina
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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