can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
